A Believer in You

First and foremost, this blog is not intended to be malicious, nor insulting. It is merely an observation about the world we live in today and the people who reside in it. If this isn't your cup of tea, well, you know where the door is, don't let it hit ya where the good lord split ya! With that, I begin!

Religion. Religion is not a big thing for me. It never has been, it may very well never be (but I've been wrong before). Yeah, I may be a reverend (of Agnostic denomination), but I've never understood the big "hoopla" surrounding religion. However, that hasn't stopped it from laying impact upon my life.

My grandmother is religious. She goes to church (when she can build up the ambition to get out of bed), believes in God, says her prayers, etc. etc. I even think she classifies herself as a Christian. Has she told me to go to church before? You bet your ass she has! Has she ever forced me to go to church or sat me down to ask if I've found Jesus yet (By the way, this is where I'd normally say something along the lines of "Ah crap, have you lost him again?", but I'll bite my tongue)? No, she has never done that.

My other grandmother (a far less religious one, but who I'm told used to frequent church regularly) took me to church once. Don't ask me what sort of church it was because I was too young to remember all of the details. Either way, it wasn't a pleasant experience for me. I was pulled from my environment, taken away from my grandmother, sent to Sunday School and then found myself surrounded by a bunch of kids preaching about God. That wasn't the worst part though. The worst part came in the form of the Sunday School teacher. She seemed like a nice enough gal when not talking about God, but gave me the willies when everything detoured back to "Him".

"Has your soul been saved?", "Do you talk to God regularly?", "What's your favorite story from the Bible?"

What sort of questions were these for a four year old?! Up until I was eight I didn't even know what a "soul" was, let alone whether mine had been saved or not! As for the talking to God thing, I had tried once, but he never returned my call. It could have something to do with the fact that I didn't know how to dial his number, but that's just a theory. And what was my favorite story from the Bible? Well, I hadn't even seen one (a Bible I mean) until that very excursion to church, so the weird looks everyone gave me when I said "Batman" was understandable.

Needless to say, I freaked.

I proceeded to burst into tears and call the teacher fat, thus causing her to break into tears. Don't worry though, she got over it a lot quicker than I did with my "exposure" to holiness. Luckily, she was able to calm me down with some chocolate she had stuffed away in her desk, which ironically enough is why any time I walk into a church I automatically think there's chocolate hidden away somewhere, but I digress...

I've had a few other run-ins with religion. Nothing as traumatizing as my first visit to church, but still pretty bizarre. I've been hit on by Mormon chicks. I scared Latter Day Saints once by wearing an all black and red suit (for my brother's graduation, mind you). I was accosted at a bus stop by a Christian who thought my skull necklace was "Satan Worship". I've even been anointed with Jewish oil (Don't ask). Hell, I was told recently that I was being possessed by demons. Actually, that one stung a little because it messed with my head for a day or two. Oh, and because I shouldn't have been allowed near salt. Gotta have my salt...

Now though, I've been left to dwell on religion more so than I usually would. I have various groups of people telling me lots of different things. I've one religion telling me that I need to walk with God, that the only way to Heaven is "His" path. Without "Him" in my heart I'll surely be lost. Another religion is telling me that there is no such thing as Hell (which there is, go look at strip joints - the girls can touch you, but you can't touch them and you can't touch yourself! Come on!). A few other people with undisclosed beliefs have told me things like "There is no God, only existence.", "Your afterlife is what you make of it, just live as a good person and you'll be fine.", "When I die I'm going to the moon!" Yeah, that last one raised my eyebrows too. But you know what, it could've been worse, at least they didn't say Disneyland.

The thing I've come to realize about all of these point of views is this; None of them are wrong. Are any of them right though, that would be the question.

Ask any person from any religious denomination (or relationship with their "higher power") if their belief is wrong and they'll surely say no. They'll say that theirs is the only way and everyone else is just confused, that everyone else needs to (pretty much) pull their heads out of their asses and realize they're wrong.

How is that right?

There's God, Buddha, Kali, Thor (along with all of them up in Valhalla), Ganesha, Baron Samedi, Baldur, Hathor (as well as Anubis), Zeus (don't forget the troops over at Olympus), Hecate, cows (again, eyebrows raised), and countless others, each equipped with at least one religion to back them and an infinite list of things that I don't understand. Here's the thing though, each group thinks that they are the "super power" and the others are wrong. To me, that just sounds like a pissing contest.

"Oh, worship me and no one else." "No, worship me! I've got the ability to do this! (Flings arm and does something cool) See?!" "No, no, they've all got it wrong, it's actually all about me! I have chicken!!!"


As a westerner I'm told my "God of Choice" is "THE". You know, Mr. Almighty, "Mr. I let my son die to repent for humanity's sins, yet brought him back to do all this groovy stuff, but then had him become one with me, so now my son is known as me and I'm known as him, and it does sound like a really bad episode of Jerry Springer, but you have to have faith in this or be bludgeoned to death with something heavy." Figure out who it is now? Glad, thought you would.

The funny thing is I believe this. "Why", you ask?

First off, it sounds too ridiculous not to believe. Secondly, I have faith. Am I letting it drip out of every orifice? No. That's just a little unsanitary, and I've found it causes people to look at you differently. Is faith a bad thing to have? Of course not, everyone needs faith in something. Do I go to church every Sunday and turn to God every time I have an issue? No. I was told something once by a very smart individual, "God doesn't take attendance", which means I can use my time on Sunday for something more productive (like sarcastically thanking God for the weeds that sprouted in my backyard and grow like wildfire, which I can only cut down in the early morning because it's too damn hot to do it any other time of the day!) More over, I can't turn to God every time I have an issue. Yeah, the big stuff (like death or a serious break up) usually warrants a call to the big man, but a lot of people forget that he only helps the people that help themselves first. (And before anyone asks, yes, I pray, get over it.)

Okay, so we've established that I believe in God,(And FYI - just because I believe in God doesn't make any other religions not real) right? Right. Does that mean that just because I believe in God I am Christian, Catholic or what have you? No. There's too much crap happening behind the scenes in the Bible to dedicate myself to one of those titles. Besides, an older rule from Christianity says I'm going to Hell for having a tattoo. Sorry, but they can take that rule and shove it. On top of that, the Bible is mere interpretation, but I'll delve deeper into that in a bit, as well as my "other" belief.

This whole speaking of titles thing has made me realize something. Religion is high school. You've got all of these different groups that intermingle with one another, but never really understand or want to talk to each other. Not saying this is exactly how it would be, but let's look at it like this: Atheists - drop outs, Agnostics - geeks, Hinduism and other eastern religions - foreign exchange students, Catholicism - greasers/gang bangers, Judaism - the know-it-alls, Christianity - jocks/popular kids, and so on. You've got the Atheists who just want to be left alone, the Agnostics who pay attention to the world around them but don't say a word so they don't get pummeled, the Catholics who pick on whoever doesn't see things their way, the Easterners who don't know what the hell is going on, but all think we're stupid because of our arrogance, the Jews (only using the slang term to make a point, remember, no maliciousness!) who laugh at us because they think they have a better grasp on everything than we do, the Christians who trashcan and de-pants people because they are the "cool kids", and can do what they want. What all of these groups need is a rehashing of "The Breakfast Club" so they realize that it's not about titles, it's just about who we are. We're all different, yet we are all the same. We all breathe, bleed, and all have a fairly similar endgame in our religions (in a word, happiness). We, put simply, are people.

I mentioned a moment ago that I had another belief. That belief is in fact people. There is an issue with this though. People are flawed. I've been told you can't trust people, people are sinful, people are evil, blah blah blah. And to a certain extent, this is true. I said that the Bible is mere interpretation, and my point for that is it was written by man, so what was the "Word of God" could've been changed. That doesn't mean all of the Bible is wrong. I agree that you shouldn't covet a neighbor's wife, that killing is bad, lying just sucks (and breaking promises, which is a form of lying, and I'm a stickler for promises), and so on. But here's the sitch, God gave us three things, or gifts if you'd like to look at it that way - free will, the world, and each other.

Like I said, people are flawed. That doesn't stop a lot of us from trying to live a good life or do the right thing. Some times it seems hard to do what's right, and often people make mistakes, but people are also forgiving. I mean after all, we're only human and we all were cut from the same cloth, at least so to speak. Besides, a real God fearing person should realize that condemning humanity (like a couple of people I know) is actually one of the things that got Lucifer canned. Aside from his wanting to be seen as God (which actually makes sense, what child doesn't grow up and say "I want to be just like you!"?) or as better than God (again, what child doesn't grow up wanting to be better than their folks?), Lucifer was cast into Hell because he couldn't bow before man, because he didn't believe in us, because he didn't have faith in us.

I was told, very recently mind you, that my stake in humanity was wrong. I shouldn't place my faith in people because they'll let me down. In actuality, that train of thought is wrong, and a one-way ticket to Hell apparently. Yeah, one or two people have spoiled the ride known as "life" for me, but people as a whole I find very inspiring. We talk to one another, provide for one another if needed, and forgive each other. Don't get me wrong, there's quite a few bad apples out there, and getting angry with them is with reason, but there's one thing life has taught me; You can't have the good without the bad. I guess you could say it's a way of checks and balance. To quote a very kick-ass television show, "It's the blemishes that make her beautiful", which is the very best way to describe life, that is if you ask me.

Well, I guess I've rambled long enough... but I don't know if I've really said anything. I get that it's a lot to read, the ideas may be jumbled, the writing may be trite and repetitive, so if there's one thing that I want you as the reader to take back from this memoir, it's this;

Life sucks. We all may be different, but we're also all the same, and we're in this together.

Thanks for reading.

Michael Thomas Flanders
Phoenix, AZ
Age 22
Agnostic