Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Paul W.S Anderson is a dick, 'nuff said.

Okay, maybe there's not enough said to supply my comment with truth, so let me give you some clarity as to why this guy is a walking stiffy in need of a circumcision.

Paul W.S Anderson is a filmmaker in charge of writing and sometimes directing the Resident Evil movies. It's a franchise spawned from the critically acclaimed video game series of the same name. The story for the games is simple; You start out with a viral outbreak in a secluded research facility, only to discover that the outbreak has spread to the local town, and soon the world. A group of various survivors band together to take down the evil Umbrella Corporation for contaminating the world with not only a viral pestilence, but a pestilence that turns its victims into flesh-eating zombies. Oh, and there's hot chicks with guns. Like I said, simple.

Now, Paul W.S Anderson is a simple-minded guy. However, he seems to have taken such a simple plot and convoluted it into a complex quadrilogy of films that barely mask anything resembling the games at all, the exception being zombies and hot chicks with guns. We see the first film take place in a similar setting as that of the first game, but soon realize that the only thing this movie is sporting from the game is how ludicrous it is (Keep in mind I'm a huge fan of the RE series, but even I have to admit the original incarnation of the game was laughable at times). There's a mansion set in the outskirts of Raccoon City that acts as a cover for an underground laboratory where experimentation with the "T-Virus" is taking place. But as fate would have it, things go wrong. Soon the entire lab staff is killed off, only to come back as walking dead-heads that long for human flesh. Cue the covert SWAT team sent in to take over the situation. A person dies here, someone gets infected over there and we're finally given the end of the film - a big boss battle on a moving train with a creature that makes Gene Simmons' tongue look miniscule. Our heroine makes short work of the creature though, ensuring we'll get to see a few more nip-slips from her in future installments, but making us really wonder if these gratuitous tit shots are even worth the viewing of a sequel.

Sadly, I'm a masochist and someone with hope, so I continued to watch the series.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse was probably the only decent flick in the series, for it actually incorporated a lot of the game lore in itself. It gave us Raccoon City overrun with a zombie infestation, a hulking "Nemesis" that pursued the remaining S.T.A.R.S members due to their involvement in spoiling Umbrella's affairs, actual main characters from the games, and it even had a touch of George Romero in their if I don't mind saying (This is where I point out Capcom passed on Romero doing the RE films because they felt his original script was taking too many liberties with the franchise - this makes me laugh. Here's a link to his copy of the script, which is actually more game accurate than anything Anderson has done with all four films combined. http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/resident_evil_romero.html).

Resident Evil: Extinction may have some relatability with the games (I.E - Characters and the continued involvement of Umbrella), but was probably the worst film out of the series... That was until Resident Evil: Afterlife stepped up to the plate, but I'll touch base with that momentarily. RE:E placed us in a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland where only a handful of people were left fighting to survive. Cue the heroine to come in, fight an ugly monster and save the day. We are then left with the sense everything will be ended on a note where the franchise will finally die. Depressingly, the movie injected itself with a dose of the T-Virus and promised more films... with an army of Milla Jovovich clones (Put that boner away, this is a not a good thing).

The story of Resident Evil is continued in the already alluded to "Afterlife". We're reintroduced into this post-apocalyptic world where zombies roam free and the Umbrella Corporation is still tugging on the strings of humanity. Our heroine, Alice, sets out to put a stop to the dastardly plans put in place by Umbrella and encounters some new faces, as well as old ones. Claire Redfield is brought back into the story after escaping to Alaska, but we soon find that even in this zombie-riddled planet her brother Chris is still alive. Teamed together with the Redfield siblings, Alice lays siege to Umbrella for a final confrontation with the man responsible for the world catastrophe, Albert Wesker.

*Spoiler Alert*

From here on out I shall be delving into the plot of RE:AL, so if you're interested in seeing the film I'd suggest you stop reading now. More over, I will also be supplementing various game references, rather they were done on purpose or inadvertently.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Starring:
Milla Jovovich - Alice
Ali Larter - Claire Redfield
Wentworth Miller - Chris Redfield
Shawn Roberts - Albert Wesker
Boris Kodjoe - Luther West

Written and Directed By:
Paul W.S Anderson

The film's credit sequence starts with a woman standing amidst a crowd of passers-by, leaving the audience to wonder if her standing there so much is causing her feet to ache like no other. Don't fret though, she's obviously dead and can't feel the pain. This point is proven when she lashes out and attacks the crowd. We then cut to Alice infiltrating a hidden underground base in Tokyo. We get some stealthiness on her part, as well as a bunch of hired muscle running around like chickens with their head's cut off. Finally, she reveals herself and attempts to kick major ass. The issue with this is how the ass kicking is overshadowed by the insanely ludicrous acrobatics she's pulling off, namely stopping in the middle of the air and rotating her position for a better vantage point of attack. This is where I prepared myself for a massive headache that was sure to last longer than the ninety minutes the film boasted as its run time.

More visual obscenities occur once we realize that we're not dealing with the real Alice, but the clones we were made privy to in the last film. Some of them are picked off as if they were random Stormtroopers that weren't even given a name badge on training day, and others prove they're far more resilient by leaping out of windows and free-falling down a shaft to where the head honcho is. All of this is fine and dandy in a sense, but is immediately shut down when Wesker escapes. Not to worry though, it's made very clear all of the clones that infiltrated Umbrella's base were blown up in a massive explosion caused by the "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" spokesperson. Let's only hope it was a suicide run done by every single clone Alice had and they destroyed any chance of exploring that idiotic plot device further. Continuing...

Wesker's making his big getaway in an aerial craft, most likely thinking about how cool he was for blowing up tons of chicks and a giant chunk of Tokyo all at once. His victory is short lived though, because the real Alice secretly stowed away in the cargo hold of his high-tech helicopter, and she seems a little upset that he gave her clones a blow job they won't soon forget. Wait, scratch that, they're dead, so they will forget it. Either way, Alice is pissed. Naturally, this means point your gun at the bad guy's head and approach him quietly so he doesn't know you're there, then declare your presence so he can take your gun away and jab you in the neck with an anti-virus. (I may have forgotten to mention that Alice was infused with the T-Virus, granting her superhuman abilities) We get a brief gloating on Wesker's end and Alice thanking him for making her human once more, but this touching scene of masculinity is soon interrupted by an impending crash. Apparently planes can't fly when no one is flying them. Weird. The plane crashes into a mountainside (RE5 reference, Wesker's supposed death via a mountainside) and we're left to assume Alice is the only survivor of it, even though she just got her special abilities taken away. Trust me, things get worse from here on out.

Six months pass and Alice is left to scour the world. She finds no trace of survivors, but decides maybe her best bet is to fly to Alaska and look for all the survivors who headed there in the last film... Wait, what? She can't find survivors, but she waits six months to go and look at this place where the survivors are supposed to be heading? Yeah, because that makes sense. If I'm in a world overrun by zombies and I know where everyone is heading please remember that it'll take me at least six months to come look for you. After all, I'm going to be quite busy having my head up my ass. But enough about me, back to the film... Alice lands at the destination in Alaska where all these people are supposed to be and finds that (drum roll please...) the entire place is deserted! Of course, the only thing to do is sit down on a beach and feel sorry for one's self, recording all of what's happening for no one in particular to see. Cue the crazy bitch with a knife. Alice spots what appears to be a survivor, but it's actually a device-possessed Claire out to gut a hoe. Some minor scuffling ensues and Alice knocks Claire out. Some time passes by, the scene switches to night and Alice reveals to Claire that she was being controlled by this mechanical parasite strapped to her chest (RE5 reference, Jill was being controlled by Wesker via the same mechanical parasite). We then learn Claire is suffering from amnesia and doesn't recall the events that transpired in the third film (lucky bint), or even who Alice is. With that, we take off with the female pair in Alice's plane and head to Los Angeles. Naturally.

Quickly upon arriving in L.A, the dynamic duo stumble across a group of survivors on a rooftop. The funny thing with this scene is Alice's comment about how there are no zombies in sight, yet the entire building with the survivors is blatantly surrounded by hordes of the undead. This is great scriptwriting at its best, I tell you. So, Alice surveys the situation, comments on not using the front door (after all, there are all those zombies in sight) and decides her best course of action is a suicide landing on the rooftop. We get a scene of everyone prepping for the cataclysmic crash and Alice's maneuvering with the plane, only to be sadly disappointed when the plane is successfully stopped from going over the rooftop's edge into a waiting crowd of walking fleshbags. Damnit, so close!

We get introductions from the lot stationed at the now obvious prison, and learn that one of its inhabitants is a basketball superstar. However, the geek in me was already saying there's only one super-S.T.A.R(S) in this film, and it ain't that guy. But wouldn't you know it, Paul W.S Anderson fucked that up, too. We learn Chris Redfield (main character of RE1, RE: Code Veronica, and RE5) is being held captive in the lower levels of the prison, but there's absolutely no mention whatsoever of his affiliation with S.T.A.R.S. Instead, we get a BS story about how he was part of a government group sent in to secure the prison and enlist its inmates as soldiers against the endless waves of zombies on the streets. The sad part is he got the short end of the stick and was tossed into a cell when the prisoners were released. No offense, but it serves the little bastard right for beating out Jensen Ackles as the lead male for the film.

To advance the plot it's revealed Chris knows a way out of the prison and will help them escape to Arcadia, a cargo ship of survivors, upon his release. Almost everyone is in agreeance that letting Chris out is a bad idea, but it's soon overturned when the zombies break in through a tunnel they made from the bottom of the prison, which coincidentally leads to the ocean. During the team assembling themselves like a half-assed Avengers, we have three events happen: Chris reconnects with his sister Claire (RE: Code Veronica reference), whom he thought died, a hulking beast of muscle and gore carrying a large axe is seen heading towards the prison gates (RE5 reference - The Executioner), and the zombies appear to have mutated with no explanation as to why (RE4 and RE5, the Las Plagas replaces the zombies from the earlier games as walking bullet fodder). The group of people attempt to gather weapons and leave the prison via a tank-like vehicle, only to be left behind by one of the survivors via Alice's plane, and everyone else being taken out because of various creatures. Alice, Chris, Claire and Luther are all herded back inside, deciding to use the tunnel created by the zombies as a means to get to the ocean. The Executioner appears and does what he does best - get his ass kicked - and then we have the group thinned out more when Luther is trapped in a tunnel with zombies. Things aren't looking up for our survivors, nor for the movie viewers at this point.

Alice, Claire and Chris make their way to Arcadia, the massive ship out in the middle of the sea, only to find it completely deserted. Where's the crew? What happened to the life boats? Why are we still trapped watching high priced mediocrity? The general answer the audience is left with is "Eh, you got me."
The trio make their way down to the cargo hold to see if maybe there's anyone down there, but are startled to discover that all of the ship's passengers are beneath their feet, awaiting possible experimentation from none other than Wesker. See, in the games we're shown Wesker as a completely arrogant, but cool asshole. In the film however, we're just begging for Alice to blow his head off with a shotgun round full of quarters (Scott Pilgrim, eat your heart out).

Yes, Wesker survived the plane crash into the mountainside and has been picking up passengers for his all expenses paid cruise around the zombie-ridden globe. Why you ask? For two very important reasons - experimentation and trying to curb the virus in his own body from taking over (RE: Code Veronica and RE5 reference, slight). Things get really odd though, when Wesker tells Alice he must ingest people, as well as her, to cure himself of the possibility that the virus may take hold of him (NOT A VIDEO GAME REFERENCE). At this point, a battle royale takes place between Alice, Chris, Claire, the weaselly dude that stole Alice's plane, two Las Plagas infected dogs, and a supercharged Wesker who is also affected with Las Plagas (NOT A VIDEO GAME REFERENCE). There's a scuffle here, some Matrix-style backflips there, shattered glass, knife wounds, and finally a shotgun blast to the head that we all hoped would end Wesker's smug and massively annoying existence. We're not that lucky though... The pretty boy gets back up, goes to attack the group again, but then is stopped by Claire and Chris emptying a respective clip each into the little bastard's body. Yes, finally, the bitch is down... Hey, wait, how the hell did he get in a helicopter?! GOD DAMNIT!!! I swear I'm asking for a refund if they leave it open for a sequel with him in it. Oh, good, he blew up with his own self-destruct device. Yay, problem solved!

Okay, we're left with Alice, Claire and Chris rescuing everyone from their cryogenic slumber, reuniting with more old friends and a sense that maybe this horrendous nightmare is over. Cue the swarms and swarms of helicopters surrounding the boat like locusts! Yes, my dear friends, Umbrella is back on the scene and massively pissed that their Chairman received a blow job he wouldn't soon forget... Oh, wait, nevermind. The credits begin to roll, and we all start to release a sigh of relief, but not before we're given a glimpse at the leader of the aerial battalion: None other than a device-possessed Jill Valentine (RE5 reference) whom we haven't seen since the second film. Insert "dun-dun-dun!" here.

The problem with this film, and I'm talking the main one, not all of the other problems that truly make this a terrifically terrible sight to see, is Paul W.S Anderson wrote this movie to show off Milla Jovovich. This was his way of saying "Hey guys, look who I get to bang every night and you don't!" Not at all did he write this as a fan of the game franchise, for the fans of the game franchise, or even for himself - he wrote this as a way to show off his wife and appease her desire to be seen as a female action icon. Sadly, that's why this film doesn't work. It wasn't conceived with any fanbase in mind, other than his own geekiness towards Milla. Don't get me wrong, Milla is a painfully attractive woman at times, but to base an entire film around putting your wife on a pedestal is not only downright destructive to your material, but it also goes to show just how amateur these "professional" directors can be. Do yourself a favor, skip this flick on that principle alone. If you still feel the desire to watch it, at least wait until it comes out on Red Box or see it in 3D so it's not as gratuitous a view. Watching this film any other way would be destructive to your mental health, trust me.