"Excuse me sir, are you watering the wall?"

I swear that I don't know what this world is coming to this day and age.

I was on one of my many adventures yesterday when I came across something that left me utterly confused and a little disgusted. Of all things to see in your neighborhood, hell, to see in the general public, would you expect to see someone of a non-vagrant demeanor freely urinating on a wall?

Now I know what you're thinking, it was probably a prank by some delinquent who was just trying to appease his self-righteous freedom of fighting against growing up. I say nay however, and feel obligated to tell you that this was a card-carrying member of the "grown-up" community. I rounded the corner down the street from my house and stumbled across this guy just letting it all hang out while he relieved himself on someone else's wall.

(Let's pause so you can all chuckle at the thought of me stumbling over a guy who was peeing... Continuing...)

Who did this guy think he was to just go around and use people's walls as his personal toilet? The horrible thing is as I passed that corner and saw what this guy was doing he just looked up at me, made eye contact, and then went back to looking at his handy work! The nerve of this guy, I swear!

But what's even worse than seeing this guy give a brick wall a golden shower is the fact that this reminded me of something similar I had encountered as a child. My father, my sister, a family friend and myself had just finished up shopping at the Zia Records out in Tempe (FYI - That place rocks) and my dad needed to hit the head. He asked the clerk if there was a public bathroom, to which the clerk responded with a simple, yet respective "no". With that, we took our leave of Zia's.

I need you to keep two things in mind; A) My dad hates to go out of his way, as most people do, and B) He was probably on his fourth or fifth beer for the evening (this doesn't include the beers he had for breakfast or lunch). The major point is though, that my dad needed to use the bathroom with relative urgency, but didn't want to be bothered by walking across the street and using the facilities at the nicely kept Burger King. So, what's a man to do when his own stubbornness gets the better of him? None other than stand in front of the car parked right in front of the lovely record store and relieve himself on the wall! Good times.

Of course as most stories have it, there was a problem. That problem came in the form of a friendly and "Oh so helpful" Tempe police officer! Ah, and the plot thickens!

My dad started to bathe the wall in a lovely shade of yellow right as the officer approached. How he didn't see the officer around in the first place is still a mystery to us all (and keep in mind that my sister, the family friend and I were all stuffed into the car, so we couldn't really play look out), but we only assume that his drunken stupor had something to do with it. Anyways, the officer walked up behind my dad and made a very simple, but very memorable inquiry; "Excuse me sir, are you watering the wall?"

You can only imagine that even though we were stowed away in the car, our snickers and laughs were in massive abundance. But I digress...

My dad quickly stopped his urination in mid-stream and somehow managed to say something along the lines of "Oh, I was just checking the headlights!" The cop, who could've easily given Sherlock Holmes a run for his money that evening by deducing from the water mark on the wall that my dad had in fact peed, merely chuckled to himself and offered some helpful advice; "Y'know, there is a Burger King across the street just in case you do need to use the bathroom." Someone give this guy a medal.

The cop bid my father adieu, but made sure that he was safely back in his car before leaving. At this point the logical thing would've been to drive across the street and use the john that they had BK, right? Wrong! The logical thing for my father is not the norm for everyone else. See, instead of taking the five minutes out of his busy beer-drinking schedule to go and tinkle, my dad decided to make the half an hour long trip back to my house and whine about not going to the bathroom in Tempe ALL the way there! Obviously you can see why my family is a dominate braintrust in the world today.

The moral of the story kiddies: don't take a leak in public unless you know for certain that no one is going to see you! But that's my funny story about urination this week. Maybe some time I'll get around to telling you guys about when I tried to kill myself because I didn't get to watch Pokemon, or that time my sister kept hitting me in the head with a baseball bat, or maybe I'll even build up the nerve to (dare I say it) re-tell the illustrious tampon story! Until then, take it easy people!... And please don't pee in public!

This isn't the Obi-Wan quote you're looking for, move along.

"Only Imperial Stormtroopers could be so precise."

Excuse me?! This right here should've been where Luke's Force-Sensitivity kicked in and he began to question Old Ben's intelligence. Granted, Obi-Wan had been detached from most galactic affairs for close to twenty years, what, with his self-imposed watch over Luke and all, but still... Even the Clone Troopers had poor aim! Seriously, come on, the only time a Stormtrooper hit anyone of importance was on Endor when that one winged Leia, and that most likely happened on accident while he tried suppressing a sneeze! (That Stormtrooper who shot Leia on the Tantive IV doesn't count because he shot her with his E-11 set on "stun")
Did Obi-Wan's mind deteriorate that badly though, while in his hut those sleepless nights without Qui-Gon, or did he leave Tatooine for a little bit to raid the secret stashes over in the spice mines of Kessel and that's what gave him such delusions? Whatever the case may be I have to say that my faith in Obi-Wan has now been shaken after discovering this piece of misinformation in Episode IV. Maybe Owen Lars was right when he said that Obi-Wan was "just a crazy old man." And we all thought it was Yoda who was crazy!

(Come to think of it, all the Jedi Luke encounters after he first finds R2-D2 and C-3PO are a little out there. Maybe they all decided to drop acid after the fall of the Republic. An interesting theory, must investigate further...)

My take on a Supernatural/Buffyverse Collision

This is a little fanfic piece I wrote while posting on one of the Supernatural message boards over at imdb.com. Enjoy!

(Sam and Angel are placed next to each other at the insistence of Spike and Dean)

Spike: (Looks both men over quickly and laughs, then speaks to Angel) Bloody hell! This bloke may be able to give you a run for your money after all. Look at those puppy-dog eyes!

Dean: (To Sam) See, Sammy!? I'm not the only one who picks up on the whole puppy-dog vibe! (To Spike) I'm always telling him that.

Angel: (Slowly gets butt-hurt) But I have puppy-dog eyes...

Spike: (To Angel) Uh-oh, someone is getting all brooding with their forehead!

Sam: (Thinking Spike is talking about him) Hey!

Spike:(Slowly points to Angel) I was talking about him, mate.

Sam: (Becomes mildly embarrassed) Oh...

Buffy: (Interjecting) I don't know, (Looks to Sam) this guy brings pouting to a whole new level, but (Looks to Angel) he's got the whole "I'm dark, scary, yet so depressed" in a "creature of the night" sort of way...

Angel: (Getting upset) Buffy!

Buffy: (Looks around quizzically) What?! I'm just saying...

(Awkward silence takes hold of the group for a moment)

Dean: (Breaking the tension) Don't worry Sammy, you're still my number one draft pick for pouting!

Sam: (Getting annoyed) Thanks, Dean.

Dean: (To Spike) Hey Non-"Vital Idol", a match of quarters for the next round, maybe get a game of poker going...?

Spike: (Begins to walk off with Dean) Sure... Got any kittens around?

(Both men stop and stare at each other questionably)

The End.