The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

Remember the cartoons of your past? Remember the cheap animation, the gratuitously awesome plots, hilarious voice acting, and pretty much everything that made them great? Me too! Sadly, the nineties are gone, and with them the outstanding cartoons we all came to love. Now we're left with decent animation, but at the price of pretty much everything else. Don't fret though, our savior has arrived, enter "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto".

Written and directed by Rob Zombie, "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto" has everything that cartoons from the nineties wish they did. Profanity, full-frontal cartoon nudity, rats coming from a rectum, nothing is missing from this guaranteed cult classic.

Starring the voice talents of Tom Papa as El Superbeasto and Sherri Moon Zombie as Suzi X, Superbeasto's sidekick and sister, the plot revolves around the dubious Dr. Satan (voiced by Paul Giamatti, best casting ever!) vying for unimaginable power. However, the only way to lay claim to this power is if he marries a woman with the mark of the beast. More specifically, Dr. Satan needs to marry a chick with the number 666 on her ass. I know, the red tape, it'll drive you nuts!

After a long day of shooting porno flicks and killing Medusa-like monsters (at the same time), Superbeasto decides to relax at his favorite bar. To his surprise though, the lovely Velvet Von Black (portrayed vocally by Rosario Dawson) is on deck to strip in such a way that would even make my ex blush. The dance, being so outlandish, immediately entrances our hero, causing him to fall in lust. Needless to say, Superbeasto begins his courtship of Von Black.

But as fate would have it, Von Black bears the mark that Dr. Satan requires of a bride. So as any evil doctor would do, he dispatches his lowly gorilla assistant to go capture Von Black in the hopes of making her Mrs. Satan. A hilarious sequence occurs where Superbeasto walks in Von Black's dressing room, only to see her in what appears to be the "wheel barrel" position with Dr. Satan's gorilla. After questioning whether he should join in or leave, Superbeasto takes his humble exit with sadness. However, he quickly discerns that something is amiss and he should investigate, but he returns to discover that the stripper has been kidnapped.

A sequence with Suzi X stealing the head of Hitler ensues, and then Superbeasto talks to his sister, asking for her help in rescuing Von Black. Knowing full well that Superbeasto just wants to boink the stripper, Suzi X goes over a list of terms used for sexual intercourse, trying to make sure he has some type of decent agenda planned. A ploy to rescue Von Black is formed and then the movie takes us on a rollercoaster ride through absurdity, randomness, cult cinema and the questioning as to whether or not we're really going to touch ourselves inappropriately.

Guest appearances by Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley, Clint Howard, Ken Foree, Sid Haig and Michael Myers (Yes, THAT Michael Myers), as well as musical narratives (how can you go wrong with "Zombie Nazis standing at a wall now!") ensure that this film sticks with you for hours after its initial viewing. More so, Rob Zombie did a tremendous job combining elements from classic cinema with what the cartoons of yesteryear really wanted to show us. This is a breath of fresh air breathed into the rapidly decaying lungs of the animated world we're given today, Family Guy and Robot Chicken included. This is truly a cult cartoon, made by cult cartoonists, for cult cartoonists! "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto" is surely the animated film hit of the season, and a movie not to miss. Rent it for the family tonight!